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Why do u choose everyone else over me. Youapos;d choose another guy over me. Why cant u see that this man would do anything for u, even after your lying and cheating ways. Why cant u see how hard it is for me to cope with all this pain. Youapos;ve ditched me so many times over and over again yet iapos;ll still come back to you no matter how hurt i am. Whenever youapos;re in a pinch you know that iapos;ll be there for you. You KNOW and thats why you still take me for granted. You said you miss me. You said you love me. Yet what have you done to show me that you really miss me and that you really love me? what? by telling me that its over because youapos;ll choose shane over me? Cant you at least prioritise me? cant you EVER put me as your priority? Why must i always be last in your heart? Youapos;ve just thrown a huge boulder on me and yet you cant at least take care of me first. You think about other guys while leaving me there to bleed. Why cant u at least comfort me and make things alright first? you always tell me its over.

how much more will you hurt me? cant you see that iapos;m already hurt? cant you see that iapos;m at my limits and i cant cope with all this myself? when youapos;re gonna lose me, u said that u want me. You said that you were sorry. Yet another set of empty words. Even though i was so messed up. Even though i was so hurt, i opened up my heart and chose to accept you in again. Only to find out that you wont come in. Only to find out that iapos;m of no real importance to you.

no matter how messed up you feel. Iapos;ve been through more hell than you all this while. Put yourself in my shoes and think for yourself how difficult it is to love someone so much even after being two timed. Even after being cheated and lied to so much. How much harder it is for me to take a risk with you being out with another guy alone. Look, its about time you think about my feelings also.. Because you have not been doing so at all. Itapos;s about time u see how much iapos;m in love with you. How iapos;d still stay by you even after all this. You dont go out and choose another guy over me so soon after you just cheated and two timed me. You dont go and tell me that its over after i forced my heart open and forgave you. You have to understand what iapos;m going through right now. How youapos;ve been telling me that youapos;re just friends but in the end, you ended up with him. And now youapos;re telling me that you and shane are just friends. SO tell me.. How would i feel when you tell me that same line you told me about qy. HOW in the world should i feel? Relieved? Iapos;M�AFRAID.�WHY�CANT�YOU�SEE�THAT�Iapos;M�AFRAID�OF�LOSING�YOU.�WHY�CANT�YOU�PRIORITIZE ME NOW THAT I NEED YOU?

this 3-4 months of loneliness has been hell for me. Iapos;ve been through sleepless nights. Iapos;ve been drinking and smoking alot. You know that. You told me that itapos;s bad for my health but how am i supposed to cope with all this? youapos;re my baby. Youapos;ve always been my baby yet i lost you. And you cheated on me. How?? tell me how??? Iapos;ve found trouble with so many ppl while i was tipsy. How many stupid fights iapos;ve been through just to release the stress that have built up in me. Just last saturday some guy on a motorcycle in a parking lot said something stupid about me in malay cause iapos;m chinese and he didnapos;t know that i knew malay. Then i scolded him back and that shocked him. Rashiq and another one of my colleague told me to cool down but i was too pissed off. All i could think of was the pain in my heart and how i wish it would go away. That was the day i broke down in the store room. Then what did the stupid guy do? he came up to me and swing his helmet at me but i blocked with my right arm.. Only a slight bruise on my biceps. Nothing much. I didnapos;t care anymore and just went at him. Rashiq and my colleague tried to cool me off after i dropped him on the floor but i kicked his stupid motorcycle down and broke the sides then we left. I know my health has not been the best.iapos;ve vomitted blood before. As in dark red blood as if someone just punched me in the mouth.. I knew this would happen one day but i have no choice. To stay afloat or to drown in depression.. Sometimes i wonder why i have to go through all this.. But itapos;ll end soon i guess..

you have no idea how much pain iapos;ve suffered.. You have no idea what iapos;ve been through all this while..
and i need u.. Yet youapos;re not here for me..�
sigh.. Iapos;m at my wits end.

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Whew After a crazy year - time to pull up and start anew.� With something old of course.

I have a short contract to complete - then it's Off to Africa - where I always go to recharge.� I recommend it to everyone.� My all time favorite place - Zambia - where I just happened to be born.�

For the longest� time a forgotten corner of the world - a best kept secret.� But not so much anymore.�

With Zimbabwe's troubles, many tourists now venture north and have discovered how wonderful a little chaos and wildness are.� Everyone's much more friendly.� South Africa and China too have been pouring money into the country.� In the past 10 years amazing changes.� Cell phones and malls�

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Had a practice run of my fancy dress outfit and craigs facepaint last night- i think the white and red on craigs face looked good,the black i wasnt so good with,still not sure exactly how thats gonna look when finished. My outfit looks ok,im quite pleased with it,its not slutty but recognisable as who its supposed to be. Going to try and find green hairpsray/wig to complete craigs outfit today.Also found a recipe for vodka jellys so gonna make some of those too


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Today,early morning we have a mass dance.And no,it has nothing to do with your weight and so on.We did on some part of the chinese dance,in other word.Its very fun and interesting.�(: And i love it i guess. :D After recess,Mr Kelvin Poh came to our class and give us a speech about how to control about our money and so on.Later on,we played a game. (: Its a board game.And,it consist of Job,Stock,Savings and so on.Jian an,keep losing his job.HAHA I bough a stock,and i wanted to buy more.But,too scared.HAHAOh well.�Didnt went for choir today.I dont feel so well after i dont know what happen to me. :/�Its not a good feeling okay.Hmmm.I wonder who will not go school tomorrow.I wonder what will we do tomorrow.Will we be dancing again?I hope we could. :D

Later might be going out with tri.Yahhhhhh
:D


After today,1daycounting down towards my deadline.



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Dierenstickers deze actie loopt bij meerdere supermarkten o.a. Poiesz en Coop.

Deze moeten we nog voor het boek:

* Jelmer:� 9, 17, 30, 37, 48, 97, 109,� 136, 137,

153, 163, 180, 185, 190, 198, 215.

* Rinskje: 3, 15, 45, 62, 84, 97, 109, 111, 123.

Deze hebben we dubbel:

1 tot en met 100: 1. 2. 7.� 16. 18. 23. 26. 31. 33. 34.�35. 41. 44. 47. 51. 66. 69. 70. 73. 74. 75. 77. 80. 81. 83.�86. 93. 95. 99. 101 tot en met 216: 102. 103. 104.�105. 107. 112. 121. 124. 130. 135. 138. 141. 142. 146. 149. 151. 154.�155. 160. 162. 164. 165. 175. 178. 183. 184. 186. 187. 195. 199. 200. 202. 208. Rood = 2x, Blauw = 3x,�Paars = 4x, �

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I had such a Tony moment tonight.

Attempted to get out of car carrying three bags. Failed at that. Tried again, succeeded With arms full, realised Iapos;d left the headlights on. Awkwardly unlocked the door and turned off lights without putting anything down. Stood up under a telephone pole and hit my head on the cross-piece. Dropped all except one bag. Retrieved personal belongings and got halfway to the front door before realising Iapos;d knocked the indicator when Iapos;d turned the lights off.

Which is why I was standing in the middle of the road clutching three bags with a jar of jam in my top pocket when my neighbour walked past and raised an eyebrow at me. She already dislikes me because I laughed when she asked me if Iapos;d been "touched by Jesus." To me it sounded like I should have Jesus up on charges.

She wonders if I need any help in a tone of voice that strongly suggests I do. Just not the type sheapos;s qualified to provide. She means the type with a comfy couch and a pay-by-the-hour bill.

I politely decline.

She asks me what Iapos;m doing.

I tell her that Iapos;m wondering just how many more arms I need to make this work.

She seems vaguely concerned ...
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Lewis Hamilton boosted his world championship prospects by grabbing pole position for the Chinese Grand Prix, two places ahead of his title rival Felipe Massa.

Kimi Raikkonen will join Hamilton on the front row, while long-shot title contender Robert Kubicaapos;s championship hopes now look all but over, as the BMW driver had his worst qualifying session of the season and ended up 12th.

McLaren driver Hamilton had a poor first flying lap in Q3, going only fifth fastest after a mistake in the middle sector.

But he fought back strongly to beat Raikkonenapos;s Ferrari to pole by 0.342 seconds.

Massa was ahead of Hamilton after the first Q3 runs but didnapos;t make such a large improvement and will start third, half a second slower than the McLaren on pole.

Fernando Alonso took fourth for Renault, with Heikki Kovalainen a disappointing fifth in the second McLaren. The Finn had held provisional pole early in Q3, but barely improved on his second run and fell four places.

Red Bullapos;s Mark Webber took sixth, but will lose that place thanks to an engine change penalty, which will elevate Nick Heidfeld into the top six for BMW.

Both Toro Rossos made the top ten again, and took eighth and 10th places in Q3 - Sebastian Vettel 1.2 seconds than teammate Sebastien Bourdais. Toyotaapos;s Jarno Trulli will split them.

Although Kubica had been unhappy with his car in Friday practice, things looked more promising when he took a close third place this morning. He slumped back to 12th in qualifying however, and although he will gain one position when Webber receives his engine change penalty, that will be little consolation for Kubica, who has only been eliminated in Q2 twice before in his Formula One career.

Renaultapos;s Nelson Piquet and Toyotaapos;s Timo Glock failed to emulate their respective teammatesapos; progression to Q3, taking 11th and 13th places prior to Webberapos;s penalty.

For the first time since Canada, Rubens Barrichello made it through to Q2 and took 14th place ahead of Nico Rosberg (Williams), but his Honda teammate Jenson Button had a less happy time. The Briton will start 18th behind Williamsapos; Kazuki Nakajima, and ahead of only the evenly-matched Force Indias.

Red Bull Racing had a frustrating afternoon. With Webber receiving an engine change penalty after his morning practice failure, the teamapos;s hopes depended on David Coulthard, but the Scot was only 16th in Q1 after encountering Heidfeld while on a fast lap.

Webber made it through to Q3 but will fall from sixth in qualifying to 16th on the final grid due to his penalty.

Pos  Driver        Team                     Q1         Q2         Q3      
 1.  Hamilton      McLaren-Mercedes    (B)  1:35.566   1:34.947   1:36.303
 2.  Raikkonen     Ferrari             (B)  1:35.983   1:35.355   1:36.645
 3.  Massa         Ferrari             (B)  1:35.971   1:35.135   1:36.889
 4.  Alonso        Renault             (B)  1:35.769   1:35.461   1:36.927
 5.  Kovalainen    McLaren-Mercedes    (B)  1:35.623   1:35.216   1:36.930
 6.  Webber        Red Bull-Renault    (B)  1:36.238   1:35.686   1:37.083
 7.  Heidfeld      BMW Sauber          (B)  1:36.224   1:35.403   1:37.201
 8.  Vettel        Toro Rosso-Ferrari  (B)  1:35.752   1:35.386   1:37.685
 9.  Trulli        Toyota              (B)  1:36.104   1:35.715   1:37.934
10.  Bourdais      Toro Rosso-Ferrari  (B)  1:36.239   1:35.478   1:38.885
11.  Piquet        Renault             (B)  1:36.029   1:35.722
12.  Kubica        BMW Sauber          (B)  1:36.503   1:35.814
13.  Glock         Toyota              (B)  1:36.210   1:35.937
14.  Barrichello   Honda               (B)  1:36.640   1:36.079
15.  Rosberg       Williams-Toyota     (B)  1:36.434   1:36.210
16.  Coulthard     Red Bull-Renault    (B)  1:36.731
17.  Nakajima      Williams-Toyota     (B)  1:36.863
18.  Button        Honda               (B)  1:37.053
19.  Sutil         Force India-Ferrari (B)  1:37.730
20.  Fisichella    Force India-Ferrari (B)  1:37.739

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expounded

I really should be preparing myself for my anthropology quiz, or fixing the grammar that I know spell check didnapos;t catch in my paper (commas go inside the quotation marks, Marks... Lolz), but I already printed it and have accepted that the shame is my own and if I receive a poor grade, Iapos;ll just actually try and give a damn about the next one.

Oh, or just getting dressed, seeing as I need to leave in about 20 minutes or so.

BUT NO. Instead I had to type this up because not only is it freaking ridiculous, it also proves that I know see my life through an Arashi filter and Iapos;m not sure Iapos;ll ever be sane again.

I had a dream last night. Given I always record my dreams anyway, I might as well allow myself to be horribly embarrassed.

Basically, the dream starts out with me watching people on a stage. Apparently Iapos;m a student at this school that is basically... Johnnyapos;s. It seems sort of like an audition process going on, but maybe just a nightmare of a talent show, and Iapos;m giggling to myself about the performances. Someone gets up on stage in a pretty ridiculous King costume, and I say to the person next to me, "Oh god I havenapos;t seen this since it was forced upon Matsujun. Twice."

We both share a good laugh before Iapos;m looking around the audience. Sho is up toward the front, which makes me frown, but he eventually turns around and I give him enthusiastic wave and he grins at me stupidly. I know Aiba is around, but I canapos;t see him, so I settle back down into my seat and stare sort of bored at the chair in front of me. Just as Iapos;m about to start complaining, Matsujun shows up in this HORRIBLE coat... Itapos;s like... A fur coat, with feathers that look like wings or something as the collar. He sits down in front of me and turns around to say, "Donapos;t say it." I laugh at him and lean over to give him a backwards hug of sorts, just barely touching him and running my hand over the feathers. I give him a look as if to say, "What did you do to piss of your stylist?" and he laughs along with me.

But that only really depresses me. I say to Jun and the guy next to me, "I canapos;t leave school I have a responsibility to Arashi. If I leave, I leave you, and I donapos;t want to lose you"

So I guess I was cocky enough in my dream to see myself as a member? Then I start bawling, like... Full on sob fest, and throw my arms around the person next to me - who turns out to be Ohno. He tries to comfort me and I wake up.

WHY WAS THERE NO NINO IN THIS DREAM?

At first I was sort of disappointed, then I realized I shouldnapos;t have been dreaming about them at all in such a manner, and then I thought...

Oh dear god, am I equating my transferring of schools with apos;Nino goes to America and Arashi is sad/comforting fics?apos;

I am officially worried for myself.

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Hey guys I just wanted to pass on the news I just got from Youtube. Basically they flagged one of my videos for copyrighting Infringement. Please note it wasnapos;t a Huddy video, but it was for another show I like. Anyway, they say that the studio which owns the clips I used, as well as the music company which owns the song I put into my video, theyapos;ve both decided that itapos;s ok the keep the video up on youtube, but they will take ownership of it and place their ads within my video. I had to laugh at this because I think the studios realize they canapos;t beat us, the internet allows for so much to be put out there, they canapos;t stop it. Thanks to places like youtube and bittorrent you can get virtually any movie, TV show, music that your heart desires, and in some cases get them before theyapos;re even released to the general public. Below Iapos;ve posted what was in the email:

"Your video "6 months 8 days 12 hours" has been identified by YouTubeapos;s Content Identification program as containing copyrighted content which Disney and UMG claims are theirs.

Your video "6 months 8 days 12 hours" is still available because Disney and UMG does not object to this content appearing on YouTube at this time. As long as Disney and UMG have a claim on your video, they will receive public statistics about your video, such as number of views. Viewers may also see advertising on your videoapos;s page...."

Itapos;s a doubled edge sword, itapos;s great if it means theyapos;ll stop taking down videoapos;s that we work hard to create, but I really hate that theyapos;ll be putting in advertisements. Oh well just thought Iapos;d share :)

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