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Why do u choose everyone else over me. Youapos;d choose another guy over me. Why cant u see that this man would do anything for u, even after your lying and cheating ways. Why cant u see how hard it is for me to cope with all this pain. Youapos;ve ditched me so many times over and over again yet iapos;ll still come back to you no matter how hurt i am. Whenever youapos;re in a pinch you know that iapos;ll be there for you. You KNOW and thats why you still take me for granted. You said you miss me. You said you love me. Yet what have you done to show me that you really miss me and that you really love me? what? by telling me that its over because youapos;ll choose shane over me? Cant you at least prioritise me? cant you EVER put me as your priority? Why must i always be last in your heart? Youapos;ve just thrown a huge boulder on me and yet you cant at least take care of me first. You think about other guys while leaving me there to bleed. Why cant u at least comfort me and make things alright first? you always tell me its over.

how much more will you hurt me? cant you see that iapos;m already hurt? cant you see that iapos;m at my limits and i cant cope with all this myself? when youapos;re gonna lose me, u said that u want me. You said that you were sorry. Yet another set of empty words. Even though i was so messed up. Even though i was so hurt, i opened up my heart and chose to accept you in again. Only to find out that you wont come in. Only to find out that iapos;m of no real importance to you.

no matter how messed up you feel. Iapos;ve been through more hell than you all this while. Put yourself in my shoes and think for yourself how difficult it is to love someone so much even after being two timed. Even after being cheated and lied to so much. How much harder it is for me to take a risk with you being out with another guy alone. Look, its about time you think about my feelings also.. Because you have not been doing so at all. Itapos;s about time u see how much iapos;m in love with you. How iapos;d still stay by you even after all this. You dont go out and choose another guy over me so soon after you just cheated and two timed me. You dont go and tell me that its over after i forced my heart open and forgave you. You have to understand what iapos;m going through right now. How youapos;ve been telling me that youapos;re just friends but in the end, you ended up with him. And now youapos;re telling me that you and shane are just friends. SO tell me.. How would i feel when you tell me that same line you told me about qy. HOW in the world should i feel? Relieved? Iapos;M�AFRAID.�WHY�CANT�YOU�SEE�THAT�Iapos;M�AFRAID�OF�LOSING�YOU.�WHY�CANT�YOU�PRIORITIZE ME NOW THAT I NEED YOU?

this 3-4 months of loneliness has been hell for me. Iapos;ve been through sleepless nights. Iapos;ve been drinking and smoking alot. You know that. You told me that itapos;s bad for my health but how am i supposed to cope with all this? youapos;re my baby. Youapos;ve always been my baby yet i lost you. And you cheated on me. How?? tell me how??? Iapos;ve found trouble with so many ppl while i was tipsy. How many stupid fights iapos;ve been through just to release the stress that have built up in me. Just last saturday some guy on a motorcycle in a parking lot said something stupid about me in malay cause iapos;m chinese and he didnapos;t know that i knew malay. Then i scolded him back and that shocked him. Rashiq and another one of my colleague told me to cool down but i was too pissed off. All i could think of was the pain in my heart and how i wish it would go away. That was the day i broke down in the store room. Then what did the stupid guy do? he came up to me and swing his helmet at me but i blocked with my right arm.. Only a slight bruise on my biceps. Nothing much. I didnapos;t care anymore and just went at him. Rashiq and my colleague tried to cool me off after i dropped him on the floor but i kicked his stupid motorcycle down and broke the sides then we left. I know my health has not been the best.iapos;ve vomitted blood before. As in dark red blood as if someone just punched me in the mouth.. I knew this would happen one day but i have no choice. To stay afloat or to drown in depression.. Sometimes i wonder why i have to go through all this.. But itapos;ll end soon i guess..

you have no idea how much pain iapos;ve suffered.. You have no idea what iapos;ve been through all this while..
and i need u.. Yet youapos;re not here for me..�
sigh.. Iapos;m at my wits end.

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